Dear my freshman self,

I want you to know that things don’t turn out as you planned. You don’t end up at the college you thought you’d go to, or studying what you thought you would. You’re a completely different person now than you were then. You’re queer, and a leftist, and a feminist: everything you claimed to hate. I want you to know that it’s okay. Don’t worry so much about becoming what you’re supposed to be; instead focus on becoming who you actually are.

I know those are broad instructions so here are some guidelines:

1. Don’t do anything just for college. If you aren’t enjoying something, if it’s not worth it, then quit. Pick up something else. Maybe “quitters never win,” but maybe they’re happier. This way, when you don’t end up at your dream school (which you probably won’t), you don’t regret all the hours you wasted being miserable in research. Instead you’ll look back at all the time you spent with friends, time spent in clubs, time spent doing what you wanted to do, and be happy that you got what you wanted out of your high school experience. High school is not exclusively a pathway to get to college; it is a journey in and of itself.

2. Don’t be friends with people that make you feel bad. You don’t owe anyone your friendship, your time, or your energy. You can love someone without liking them, and just love isn’t enough.

3. Don’t care what other people think. Be the weirdos at the renaissance fair. While everyone else is busy worrying, you’ll be busy being loud and crazy. Love who you are, unapologetically.

4. Go to therapy. I swear you need it. Therapy actually helps. In the past, it hasn’t and it’s been a waste of time, but find the right therapist and commit to actually doing the work. It’ll be like magic. Also, don’t wait so long to start medication. You don’t get any side effects and you feel so much better. There’s no such thing as “not needing/deserving help”; if you’ll benefit from it, then get it.

Things get better if you put the effort in. You’ll be okay. I promise.

Sincerely,

Your senior self, class of 2022